


Childish Dreams

by haatorii



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Because I like hurting myself, Cas and Dean are not endgame, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Neighbors, Childhood Friends, M/M, Unrequited Love, unrequited feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-11-01 17:31:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17871686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haatorii/pseuds/haatorii
Summary: The year that changed Castiel's life forever.





	Childish Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I'm back again with more Destiel. I like hurting myself so here it is. 
> 
> Like all of my works, this fic is unbeta'd. I claim all grammatical errors and inconsistencies as English is not my first language. If you find any errors while reading that I missed, please don't hesitate to message me.
> 
> I don't own the characters, thank you very much.

Castiel was 10 years, 4 months, 16 days, and 7 hours old when he met Dean. At four-thirty in the afternoon, the sun was a bright orange-yellow in the sky. He was playing with his old street friends when a boy with sandy blond hair approached them and introduced himself. They had moved to the gated place three houses down from Castiel’s own home.

Playing with the new boy was strange. Castiel didn’t talk to him at first for fearing he didn’t speak the same language as them. But after a couple of hours, though, he found out that not only he spoke the same language as him, but also that he’s younger by almost three years. He didn’t mind. He liked playing with him.

They didn’t go to the same school. Dean went to a school much farther and more expensive than Castiel’s public school upbringing. Still, he sees them every day. His dad always drops him and his brother, Sam, to school. Then on the afternoon, he’d pick them up again and leave them in the house to god knows where. Castiel never saw their dad, just the car that picked them up and dropped them off, but he would always talk with Dean’s gruff uncle and tough-yet-caring aunt. He’d never learned their names.

One thing that wondered Castiel was why Dean would always follow him around. It irritated him at first but just accepted it in the end. Telling himself that it’s just the way it was. He likes you, that’s why he’s following you around, his Castiel’s Aunt Hester would always say. And he would reply with “I don’t believe you.”

“Just observe.” And she’d give him a smile.

A few days later Castiel forgot about it, but looking back now, it did look like Dean liked him enough for his aunt to think about those things.

Dean and Sam would always play with Cas and Anna, no matter what day it was. Monday, Sunday, Saturday, it didn’t matter. Cas would wake up at as early as eight-thirty and he would see Sam and Dean playing with Anna on their front yard. It used to irritate Cas to no end but he warmed up to it eventually. Before seeing Dean on their house made him grit his teeth, now it was a welcomed sight.

 

A few months in and Cas was already well-liked by Dean’s uncle Bobby and aunt Ellen. They would send Dean to give Castiel a bunch of homemade food, even fresh ones like fish and such. Cas didn’t want to receive it but no one dared to open the gates for Dean so he never had the choice.

“Why are you not eating, Castiel?” his mom had asked him one night after Dean had given them a bunch of fish.

“I don’t like fish.” He does.

"You better eat some, young man. They were given to you." His aunt Hester said. It made his heart swell a little but he never let anyone noticed it. Not while they’re still on the dinner table. That would be embarrassing. He was too young to feel affection for someone, even he knows that.

 

 

“Can I go inside your house?” Castiel asked Dean one day. They were playing outside Dean’s house with Sam.

"I… I don't know," Dean said.

“Why not? You’ve been inside my house a couple of times and I’ve never been inside yours.”

“My dad doesn’t like guests, you see. And he’s sleeping on the living room” Dean reasoned out.

“Why? Where’s your mom?”

“She’s far away. She doesn’t live with us.”

"Why?" If Dean were Castiel's dad, he would've been mad at him already. Chuck doesn't like too many questions.

“Because they’re always fighting.”

“But why? Anyway, that’s not fair. You’ve been to our house plenty of times!” Cas pouted, then he realized he was being quite rude so he bargained, “I promise I won’t go inside your house, just inside the gate.”

“Okay,” Dean compromised, “But we have to be really, really quiet, okay?”

“Okay!” Cas whispered.

They went inside and tiptoed to the backdoor. It wasn’t really that impressive or whatever, Cas just wanted to snoop around. After satisfying his curiosity, they went out.

“Was that alright?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, it was great. Thank you, Dean.” He smiled at Dean.

Dean gave him an adorable smile, “You’re welcome, Cas.”

 

Dean got into trouble for their little stunt so he wasn’t allowed to play outside the next day. Castiel ended up playing outside Dean’s gate while the other boy climbed the metal door so he could still see Cas.

“What’s your name, Cas?”

“Cas. Just Cas.”

“Why won’t you give me your name?”

"I just don't want to. Anyway, you'd know my real name when we grow up. What about you, what's your name?" He put his arms on his hips, "You keep on asking my name and you wouldn't give me yours."

"You didn't ask," Dean said.

“Well, I’m asking now.”

"Wait, I'm gonna get something," Dean said, then he disappeared from the gate.

Cas waited for a couple of minutes before Dean came back with something on his hand. “Here you go.”

“What’s this?”

“It’s my name. My whole name.”

“Oh, lemme see?” Dean dropped his school ID on Cas’ hands.

“Dean Winchester?”

“Yep, that’s me.”

“Your way down the line since your family name starts with ‘W’.”

“Yeah, but I don’t mind.”

"Mine's like the middle of the alphabet."

“What is it?” Dean beamed down at him.

“Not telling!”

A few days later, Dean’s uncle Bobby made a small window on their wall that they could use to talk with each other whenever Dean got grounded by his dad. They’ve used it a total of three times.

 

 

Summer of 2005 when Dean’s uncle Bobby talked to him outside their home, under the pleasant warmth of the sun and a gentle breeze of Sunday morning. Dean and Cas were playing under a street light with uncle Bobby watching over them.

“He really likes you, you know that?” he said with a gruff voice. It was quiet. Cas didn’t know what to say. Though he may be young, he kind of knew what “emotion” Dean was already feeling. It was quite… weird. He knew they were too young. Extremely young to be feeling that way.

Christmas that year was just like his other Christmases. Dean wasn’t allowed to go out that night but Cas went to a friend’s house for reasons he couldn’t remember anymore so he was able to hear Dean’s voice singing his lungs out. Until now Cas gets reminded of him whenever he hears Ramble On.

New Year’s was quite an experience. The moment they got home from the church at 9:00 PM, Dean immediately hang outside their house. Castiel didn’t know what to do and he was quite afraid his dad would yell at him if he let Dean in so he spent the few hours of 2005 outside Castiel’s house. Cas didn’t leave him alone, though. He was with him the whole time albeit on the other side of the gates. When the fireworks were roaring outside, Dean’s aunt Ellen called him to get inside.

The silence was deafening after the last firework exploded in the sky.

 

 

The weeks following the New Year’s Eve were never the same. Dean didn’t go out that much anymore to play with them, they daily visits became less and less, and the weekly playdates became an occasional affair. Castiel didn’t notice anything weird. He was relieved, even, to not see Dean’s face every single day, but he missed him too.

It was a month after everything stopped when Cas decided to ask his mom.

“Hey, ma?”

“Yes, dear?”

“Have you seen Dean?”

“No, sweetie. I’m afraid I haven’t seen him. Why?”

“No reason.”

“Do you want to play with him?”

“Not if he doesn’t want to.” He said.

“Why don’t you ask your aunt Hester outside, maybe she’d seen them.”

“Okay, thanks.”

Cas saw his aunt weeding on their garden. She’d always loved her garden. She used to have different kinds of flowers, orchids, roses, daisies, marigolds, and more but it’s been long since she stopped planting them. He missed the flowers, especially the orchids. Orchids were nice.

“Aunt Hester?”

“Yes, Castiel?”

“Have you seen Dean and Sam?”

“Oh dear, they moved away. They’ve been gone for a week now.”

“Really?” Cas’ chest was pounding. Moved away? How could they move away? Why didn’t he tell him? Why didn’t she tell him? Why would they move away?

“I’m sorry, Castiel.”

“No, no, it’s fine. At least no one will bother me from now on.” He was laughing, but when he got inside he couldn’t help his chest from hurting a little.

The pain in his chest became constant as the months came. It felt like as if they've discontinued his favourite chocolate, or whenever his mom hits him for something he never did. It would be a couple of years before he put into words what he felt—betrayal. He felt betrayed because Dean left without saying goodbye. He felt betrayed because they were supposed to be friends and yet he never visited him one last time. He felt betrayed because Dean told him everything, even the things that Cas should never know, except the fact that they were moving away. He felt betrayed because everyone told him he liked him, and yet…

And Cas kept diaries. Diaries of what was happening between the two of them. Of the things, he'd seen that reminded him of the two of them. He threw them all away a few months after.

 

 

Cas never forget. By the time he was in high school and had the chance to access the internet, he looked him up. He looked him up in every social media site he knew to no avail, until one day, after six years, he made a mistake of mentioning his full name on his Facebook and Hannah, one of his friends, saw it.

_“Hey Castiel, what was the name of your childhood boyfriend?”_

_“It’s Dean Winchester and for the last time, Hannah, he was not my childhood boyfriend.”_

_“It sounded like a childhood boyfriend to me; fishes, playdates, spending New Year with the family, the whole shebang.”_

_“We were just kids. How could an 11-year-old have a boyfriend?”_

_“I don’t know, why don’t you ask yourself? Since you’ve had a boyfriend when you were 11.”_

_“Fuck me.”_

_“You could ask him that yourself. Boom!”_ Hannah sent him a link to his Facebook profile.

_“Holy shit, Hannah! This is him!”_

_"Then what are you waiting for? Ask him a request, numbnuts!"_

_“Hannah, fuck! I’m freaking out!”_

_“Save that when you’re already talking to him.”_

_“Shit shit shit shit shit!!!!”_

_“What? Did you sent a request already?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“And did he accepted it already?”_

_“No, not yet.” He typed, “Maybe he’s asleep?”_

_“Maybe.”_

Castiel’s request was accepted the next day while he was in class. Cas saw it and he was trembling the whole time. He didn’t know what to do. Should he message him? Should he mention their childhood friends? What the fuck.

After a bunch of persuasion from his friends, he gave in. It was late at night, and Cas was alone in bed. He just came back from a party and couldn’t sleep yet. He told himself what better time to do it that now, and so he did.

_“Hello, I'm one of your neighbours when you were still living in Swynfort Hill. I want to ask if you still remember me?"_

Waiting was agony. He shouldn’t have done this. He should just delete his facebook. Maybe make a new one? Fuck, it’s too much.

_“Good evening. I’m sorry I couldn’t really remember.”_

All of Cas’ deepest fears came true. He couldn’t remember him. No matter how much Cas willed he forget about Dean, he never left his mind. And him? It probably took only one summer for him to move on. It hurts.

_“We were playmates with Jo, Michael, and Victor. Maybe that could help.”_

_“Ah yes, I certainly remember Victor.”_ It was too much.

_“Oh, is that so? That’s great. We were playmates. I’m afraid aside from that we didn’t do anything much together.”_ Tears were already pooling in his eyes.

_“Haha, seems that way.”_

_“Okay, good night. Sorry for disturbing you.”_

_“No worries, man. Good night.”_

He’s forgotten about him. Years and years of thinking about him and Dean’s forgotten about him. Every Ramble On he hears, every Saturday cartoon he watches, every time he sees the old goddamn house that still stood three houses from them, Dean’s all Castiel could think about.

He cried that night. He didn’t stop crying until the two in the morning. It’s the first time he ever cried for someone that much. Hell, he’d never even cried at a funeral but he was bawling his eyes out for this person he only spent a year with. It was ridiculous, not to mention embarrassing. Nevertheless, he told Hannah about it. He told her Dean forgot about him, and that he wasted all those six years looking him up, waiting for him. He told her he’s gonna be fine. She believed him.

 

 

“You know, I remember I had this playmate before and if they didn't move away, I'm pretty sure we would've dated at some point," Castiel said.

“Tell us about him!”

“It’s been more than a decade. I really can’t remember all the details.”

“It’s fine. Just tell us what you remember.” Castiel told them what he remembered. All the suppressed memories from his head, he opened them all up. Salvaging what he could and showing them to others. It was a relief talking about it. He’d spent almost all his adult life forgetting about it and moving on but it seemed like he’s been living in an invisible wall. No matter how much he tried to climb out, to let anybody in, it never lasts. After years of trying he just gave up. He didn’t know if what he experienced with Dean gave him issues he couldn’t comprehend or he was just too closed off to date anyone.

 

 

Years later, he'd learned that Dean and his family finally stayed in one place, but still too far from Castiel’s. His parents separated and they’re now living with their mom. He has a new brother, Adam, and he has a beautiful girlfriend named Lisa.

 

 

Now, Castiel was 29 years, 9 months, 2 days, and 5 hours old.

 

Dean’s life went on, and so did his.

**Author's Note:**

> Some of the scenes are inspired by real-life events yo!
> 
> Hope you all liked it.


End file.
